You Might Be A Redneck Home Stager If...
I live in metro Atlanta, which is Jeff Foxworthy country. Last I heard, he lived about 20 miles up the road from me. We all love him around here.
Last week my husband and I went to the local diner for dinner (supper?) where they have a Jeff Foxworthy calendar on the counter. He has a "You might be a redneck if..." line for every day of the year! That got me to thinking that some of us may be redneck home stagers, but just don't know it. I decided to come up with a list which will help us determine if we fall into that category. If you see yourself (or your stager) in the stipulations below, I don't advise fessing up to it. Here are the determining factors:
You might be a redneck home stager if...
- at any given time, at least one of your clients is named "Bubba."
- your hunting dog accompanies you on every job.
- when tackling curb appeal, your main dilemma is how to camouflage the Chevy on blocks in the front yard.
- decluttering involves getting the homeowners to par down the number of appliances on the front porch.
- your favorite staging greenery is kudzu.
- you've created a CD "mix" for your clients to use during their open house. It includes such favorites as "My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Miss Him" and "If the Phone Ain't Ringin', It's Me."
- your staging fragrance of choice is "fried catfish."
- when updating, the homeowners typically replace their "comics" wallpaper with an Elvis mural.
- your staging "trademark" is a greased cast iron skillet placed on the stove.
- you always leave the toilet seat up.
If you have additional criteria to submit, please feel free. We must get the word out before it's too late.
If you know of someone suffering from "Redneck Home Stagers Disorder," please have them call our Stagers Anonymous hotline at 1-800-GET-HELP. Time is of the essence!
Patsy Overton, ASP, CNRCP
Accredited Staging Professional * Certified Color Consultant
Patsy@SSSHomeStaging.com 770-843-2307 www.SSSHomeStaging.com
Patsy,
Thanks for a good laugh...I think I might create a list "You might be a Guido if..."
Ha ha very funny! Thanks for the laugh!
-Michael
Faina - do it!
Michael - can you tell I've got too much time on my hands?
Patsy -
OMG!!! That was funny! Thx for the noontime laugh; chocked on my fruit smoothie here reading this and now I can't get the smell of bananas out of my nose (or that could just be a banana bit stuck in my nose). Living here in Los Angeles county, I bet I could come up with quite a few, "You know you live in LaLa Land if....." I'll have to give that some thought.
Donne - I'm so glad you enjoyed it. You should definitely begin your new post on La La Land. The possibilities are endless. Thanks for all the little smileys!
Jeff Foxworthy is a HOOT, gotta love him! THANKS for the chuckle today!
We love Jeff Foxworthy, Patsy - and the kudzu line too! You might be a redneck Stager if your choice of outdoor seating is a bath fixture!
Joan - I think Jeff is soooo funny. I always read his line on the calendar when I'm in the diner.
Julia - Was that shot taken at the home of one of your clients? Call the hotline NOW!!!
Very creative and clever post idea! I can see the wheels in your brain spinning at that diner! I bet you couldn't wait to get home to write the post.
Sharon - you know me too well!
Patsy- I loved it, especially the "staging trademark" of the cast iron skillet. We need to get you a little recorder to take with you on your outings so you can "write" the blog without waiting to get home!!!
Great post Patsy!
Ha! I want to play. You're a redneck home stager if you make sure the big, stuffed moose head takes pride of place over the fireplace mantle...
Thanks for the laugh. =-)
That's just too funny. I think Jeff would be proud of you. Maybe you can become one of his roadies. LOL
What about if part of your staging plan is ornamental kudzu around the wheels?
Patsy:
You have it pictured, but one more item might be - how many abandoned cars and trucks there are on the property.
I like to stop you right there. . there has never ever been a person named Bubba that asked for a stager to work on their home period! :)
Patsy, to be a true redneck, you must make sure the Elvis is in black velvet. You know the old saying..."When in Rome, do as the Romans do", so it may be that you're not a redneck stager, you only have redneck clients who demand that style!
haha. good thing to read in the morning. put a smile on my face. Thanks for sharing! I enjoyed it!
Hi Patsy, these were great! Very funny. I'm sure you made Jeff Foxworthy proud, lol.
Patsy,
Great humor! I didn't know rednecks knew what the word "staging" meant? Jeff Foxworthy is one smart, funny guy...
Love the humorous break in my day!
All the best, Michelle
Scary...some of those things were my life 40 years ago...growing up in redneck north Florida...If I see them now I smile and walk away!
I hadn't heard a "you might be a redneck" joke in quite some time. Thanks for the chuckle.
Patsy --
Great laugh -- thx!
Love Jeff...his book is hillarious too. I like the twist you put on this...Jeff might too...if he lives down the road...stick the post in his mailbox.
Very clever! I, too, like Jeff Foxworthy. I'm sure he would enjoy your post!
Kathy - that would be great! Maybe what I need is a flip phone to record both verbally & visually all my redneck jobs.
Joshua - thanks. Sometimes we just need a good laugh.
Sally - yes, the stuffed moose head is a dead giveaway. Are there rednecks in BC?
Rich - I had fun writing it. I'm now working on "You Might Be a Redneck Real Estate Agent It..." Want to contribute?
Russel - thanks. I think I AM one of his roadies, just don't get paid for it.
Nameless person #16 - that IS part of my staging plan!!! Cute.
Claudette - I think that would fall under decluttering.
Fernando - Bubba might not request it, but don't forget that his wife, Bonnie Sue, watches "His Name Is Earl" and calls for an identical look. (I guess technically Bubba would then become a redesign client, but are we really going to argue symantics?)
Bonne - hmmmmm..... food for thought. Yes, Elvis MUST be in velvet! I think if we have redneck clients, then we become redneck stagers.
Toni - thanks. We gotta have a little fun in life.
Jackie - I hope Jeff sees the post! Maybe if he's sitting in his office today working on new redneck jokes he'll google his name and it will pop up.
Hi Michelle. Glad you enjoyed it.
Gary - surely you have some jokes to contribute! You've, no doubt, seen it all.
Aaron - I never would've thought of it if it hadn't been for the Foxworthy calendar at the diner. Jeff is a classic.
Karen - you are too funny! You don't like my tips???
Missy - that's not a bad idea. For all I know, Jeff might be in need of a stager!
Kathy - thanks. I'm going to look him up today.
Patsy, these were very good. Thanks for the chuckle this morning.
LOL. Very, very funny. I'm sure, though, that if you thought of this, there is an agent out there who fits the profile exactly.
Patsy - no, we don't have any rednecks in B.C. - we sent them all to Alberta - hahahaha!
... your favorite staging greenery is kudzu. I almost spit my coffee out on that one! thanks for the morning laugh!
Sorry, Sally #32, I am a BC redneck though not quite as bad. Hilarious post. I love "redneck' Jokes!!
very very funny.....and oh so true here in east Tennessee:) Thanks for a great post!
Patsy, thanks for my very first laugh for the day. This is hilarious. Keep them coming.
Patsy-you need to send this to Jeff, seriously!!! Too funny!!
If you bring a goat along to trim the shrubs...
Great post! I needed a laugh to start out my day! Thanks!
Love this post! You might be a red neck home stager if your idea of front porch furniture is a plaid sofa and a tv!
Michael - my pleasure!
Manuel - I have a sneaking suspicion there may be more than just 1 agent fitting the description!
Sally & Lesley - you two need to get together to figure out the redneck composition of BC. There seems to be some confusion.
Cynthia - around my "neck" of the woods, kudzu is king! I heard recently that somewhere they eat it for salad.
Jane - I have a feeling you've seen more than your share of rednecks.
Harj - so glad I could get your day started off with a chuckle!
Cathy - Now where did I put Jeff's email address? He's probably out wandering the streets looking for new material.
Robert - I love it! Would you believe we used to see a couple of goats on a run-down commercial property near my home every day? I nicknamed them Billie & Betty. The first time I noticed Billie (or was it Betty?), he was standing on the very top of a car as still as a statue. I thought he was stuffed! I sat there for minutes waiting for him to move, and he finally did. So, you see, I don't just talk the talk but walk the walk!
Susan - glad you enjoyed it.
Sarah - good one! Or is that for "You might be a redneck RE agent if..." Is that a true life story from one of your client's homes?
Funny post Patsy. I needed a laugh after the week I had.
To the nameless KW agent - my pleasure!
Terry - glad I could reciprocate. You always make me laugh. I still remember the Walmart story and chuckle every time I think about it. It's one of the funniest things I've ever read on AR.
Hi Patsy, I was just wondering where the Friday funnies were and - poof - there you were. This was very well done!
Patsy,
Great lines. As a Southerner, I have relatives that strongly recommend those techniques!
I love this post! Since I'm from CA, I had my doubts about the validity of some of the Jeff Foxworthy jokes - until I met my ex-husband and realized that directions to his mom's house in Florida actually did include the words "turn off the paved road!"
Must include one major appliance as yard art. And aluminum foil window treatments. I'm originally and Okie, so I could go on and on.............
Thanks for a little humor. Unfortunately I have seen a few on your list exist.
That was pretty good writing. You should keep on that and make a bit of a series of redneck staging posts, I think they would be a huge hit.
Patsy - How about these
1. You need to rent about 6 more redboned hound dogs for the front porch for the right vignette.
2. You client is concerned about the safety of his shotgun shell collection.
3. The potential buyers submit and offer, but they require the singing fish on the wall to stay.
Patsy, Jeff may live in the South, but I am telling you he is talking about my relatives in Montana! Complete with the used toilet as a flower pot and the numerous dead cars in the yard. And, don't forget, all the family "pets" only have heads and they are stuffed and hanging on the wall! Love this!
Patsy - this is a great take on the Foxworthy style and I couldn't help but sit here and make my own realtor version as I read yours. Thanks for sharing a little humor on my Friday!
Oh this was hysterical. My question is how many cocktails at dinner did you have to come up with all of these?
How about if you decorate the living room by adding stuffed animals -- deer heads!
How about if you decorate the living room by adding stuffed animals -- deer heads!
This is priceless, Patsy. Nothing like a little humor to make your point. LOL.
This post is just hysterical!!!!!! Great job, and I'm sure you do a great job staging a home, too! I actually showed a home recently that had a self composting toilet in the living room for an elderly disabled person, and they left it in the home as a selling feature!!!! They neglected to mention who would remove the huge tank in the basement...UGH
OMG!! Just to funny! Love it. Thanks for brightening my day. God Bless
This made me smile. Thanks for enjoying your creative post with us.
Patsy, so glad this got a feature! Honestly I'm thinkin' that you must live in my "neck of the woods" because those sites are all to common hereabouts. What else would you expect from "Hickville, CA". I could seriously add to your list BUT I think everybody gets the point.
Bill - next Friday will be your turn!
Liz & Bill - unfortunately, I have relatives that resemble these remarks, too.
Dawn - funny! So now we have another believer?
Jeanne - stop right there and start writing your own post! Aluminum foil???
Jerry - maybe we're laughing to keep from crying. Some of these things hit too close to home.
Lethbridge Team - I heard a pastor once say that he's ruined many a great sermon by turning it into a 3 message series. Don't know that I've got enough material to keep going. Glad you enjoyed it!
Brent & Deb - you've got it goin' on!!! You're almost half way to your own list. Sounds like you know some of those folks.
Deborah - the used toilet as a flower pot? Surely you jest! You can't make this stuff up, huh?
Danielle - can't wait to read your post!
Shar - I never touch the stuff. With clients like this there's no need to.
Erica - now that hits a little close to home. Do you know my brother-in-law?
Margaret - thanks! I had fun writing it.
Roxanne - you've got to be kidding me!!!!! I'd love to see a picture of that!
David - my pleasure. Thanks for your comments
Cheryl - Glad it brought a smile to your face as your photo with animals does to mine.
Ginger - What in the heck are we doing online on Friday evening? I've never heard of Hickville, CA. Are you serious? Thanks for your comments!
You might be a red-neck home stager if you specialize in staging out houses and trailers.
If your focal piece of furniture in the living room is a green bean-bag chair: you are most definately a red-neck home stager; and if you have used that same decor in three properties, I'm hiding from you...
Patsy, I laughed so hard that tears formed. I was going to add one to your list: -there's PLENTY of "reading material" (Shootin' A Big Buck, Fishin' The One That Got Away...) next to the john or on the coffee table (the one propped up with an empty, mangled beer can).
Fred - those are great! I was going to include "if the majority of your clients live in mobile homes," but thought that might actually be the case for some Realtors and didn't want to offend anyone! How did you know I enjoy using the beanbag chair???
Mike - I didn't even think about the "cocktail table reading material." Love those titles! You know, the mangled beer cans would also work well for decorative artwork scattered throughout the house! Glad you enjoyed it.
Patsy - One more for you, arranging a tree full of empty beer cans on strings are acceptable Christmas decorations, but CAN NOT pass as a modern art wind chime...
Patsy, how funny that I just posted about staging outhouses, and I see your post! My favorite is the iron skillet!
Love Jeff Foxworthy - this was very funny! We all need to keep a sense of humor about staging issues with some listings.
Brent & Deb - Funny! I'd love to see a picture of that. Do you have some clients that use that technique?
Elaine - I'll be sure to check out (no pun intended) your post.
Susan - Sometimes we've gotta laugh to keep from crying.
I love Jeff Foxworthy's redneck jokes. This was a great laugh.
ROTFLOL! OK, OK, OK - here's a couple I could think of.
You know you're a Redneck-Stager when....
Christine - Jeff is a hoot Glad you enjoyed it.
Connie - Girl, I don't want to steal your ideas 'cause you're on your way to your own list. Sounds like you're acquainted with some of the same people I am!
You might be a Redneck, if your lawn furniture use to be in your living room. That one applies to a few places I know.
Patsy, I'm unaware of a real Hicksville in CA. Everybody thinks that every place in California is so forwarding thinking and with-it, but that just "ain't" true in Hicksville. (My nickname for this area) There are plenty of your mentioned items (actually haven't seen any kudzu, but I'm sure it's here) and much more here in our mountain communities.
This is the 2nd post I've read today that remind me of the hunting cabins in Atlanta Mi.
Very funny
HILARIOUS . . . although I was surprised there was no mention of the gun rack being decorated with kudzu, or the mounted 5 point buck being decorated with kudzu garland, or the kudzu being decorated with kudzu . . . ;-)
This is super. I'm going to reblog
Thanks for the laugh Patsy - what a great way to start the day! I love your list and I'm proud to say I have nothing to fess up to.
What a great post Patsy, hysterical, very well done...............thanks for a great laugh.
So funny Patsy - we love Jeff Foxworthy! Thanks for the laughs! ~ Susan
You plant flowers in the base of your fence made out of tires.
Great post! That's very funny!
Thanks for sharing,
Adam
Carla - Some things you just take for granted.
So glad you all enjoyed this! Thanks for your comments.
I'm a sucker for Redneck jokes (found myself reading them for about 30 minutes the other day on a website). I just wish I was a much better joke teller!
Hey Patsy, I haven't heard the word Kudzu since I moved back to Wisconsin from Tennessee 12 years ago! Ginger, if you had Kudzu in CA - you would have seen it! WHEW! I have seen news articles such as; "100 uses for Kudzu" and even a cook book for Kudzu! Hope to never see it in WI although I am surprised it hasn't traveled this far on it's own !) Thank God for our frost!
Gosh you make me laugh! I absolutely loved the iron skillet, but you did forget to recommend it to be well seasoned prior to use! Oh no, I have got to go now,...I'm beginning to hear frazes like "he gets it honestly", "bless your heart", "geet yet", "naw, yant to?",...
Steve - I'm with you. Love redneck jokes.
Laura - a kudzu cookbook??? Noooo!!!!!! Do they taste sort of like turnip greens? Bless your heart for bringing that up!
Hey Patsy,
I have no idea, I passed on the cook book. Do kind of wonder what the taste and nutritional value of kudzu could be. The way it grows it could cure world hunger! I read one man invented a still (sp ck) in Kentucky (I know a still - Kentucky - hard to believe:) but anyhow, he found he could create a fuel that burns cleaner than ethenol out of kudzu! I wonder what ever happened to him?